If you're looking to spice things up in the bedroom this spring/summer season, no better way to do that than introducing sex without penetration into your sexual routine.
For many people (especially heterosexual couples), P-into-V sex is the Main Event, with non-penetrative activities being pushed to the side. But non-penetrative sex can be just as fun and pleasurable as penetrative sex.
So, let's talk about all the ways you can have great sex without penetration.
10 fun and exciting ideas for sex without penetration
Sex without penetration: what counts?
Sex without penetration or non-penetrative sex is a sexual activity that involves no penetration of any kind. That means no penis, sex toys, fingers, and other objects go into the vagina or the anus.
In our heteronormative society, penetrative sex (P-into-V particularly) has been put on a pedestal for centuries, and it's considered a norm by many people around the world. However, that's not the only way to have great sex. And it's important to acknowledge the fact that all sex is equally as important, valid, and pleasurable!
Pregnancy and STIs
The chances of people with vulvas getting pregnant when there is no penetrative vaginal sex involved are very slim. However, there is still a chance, even if very little.
It can happen if a penis ejaculates over the vulva and the semen gets inside the vagina through finger play by accident. So, if you're not looking to conceive, it's best to be careful with how you have sex without penetration.
Also, just because penetration is not involved, it doesn't mean you can't catch an STI. If you are in contact with your partner's genitals and their bodily fluids (like semen or vaginal discharge) during sexual activities like oral sex, there is always a risk. So, always use protection when appropriate.
Why try sex without penetration?
There are quite a few reasons why someone might want to try sex without penetration with a partner:
Even 30% of women (and 5% of men!) report having painful intercourse during their last sexual encounter. For women, the reasons for painful intercourse can range from menopause, vaginal dryness, anxiety about sex, relationship issues, and lack of enjoyment in sex to name just a few.
If you experience pain during penetrative sex, then taking penetrative sex off the table and exploring other non-penetrative sexual activities can help make sex with a partner much more pleasurable.
Taking penetrative sex off the table and venturing outside your comfort zone to try something other than what you're used to encourages you to get more creative with sex. By trying new ways to have sex with your partner, you'll find new, unexpected things you enjoy and broaden your sexual horizons.
Novelty is key in any relationship (especially long-term relationships). It’s all about something new, fresh, something that you haven’t tried before. Trying new things in the bedroom is one of the easiest ways to bring novelty and excitement back into the bedroom. Novelty is good for your relationship, it's good for your brain and it can also be great for improving your sexual satisfaction.
So, let’s dive into the best non-penetrative sex ideas to help you get inspired:
1. Sensual massage
A sensual massage can be a very intimate activity. You have a chance to show your partner how much you care, help them relax, and enjoy a whole heap of pleasurable sensations.
You can give your partner a full body massage, or an erotic massage that ends with a happy ending for them. All you need is a good massage oil like our Warming Massage Gel (for extra pleasurable tingles), a towel, or a sheet for your partner to lay on and your hands.
2. Art of frottage (AKA dry humping)
Dry humping is not only for teenagers – it can be fun and arousing at any age. Try grinding against your partner's body in different positions, and motions, wearing different types of clothing (different materials will elicit different sensations), and maybe even adding a toy between you two for some extra thrill.
3. Mutual masturbation
You are the one who knows how to touch yourself the best. So, consider mutual masturbation with your partner. Which means masturbating in front of each other.
This can be arousing and exciting in a few ways – first of all, you're pleasuring yourself, which feels great. Second, you see your partner pleasure themselves, which adds voyeurism into the mix. Third, your partner is watching you, so there is a bit of exhibitionism involved.
And lastly, you get to see the way your partner likes to be touched, so you can learn to better please you. The same goes for them – they can watch, learn and enjoy all at the same time.
4. Partnered masturbation
Partnered and mutual masturbation are terms often used interchangeably, but the two activities are a little bit different. Partnered masturbation involves you and your partner masturbating each other, rather than yourselves.
Once you try mutual masturbation and learn the best ways to pleasure each other with touch, consider applying the knowledge and masturbating to each other.
If you enjoy voyeurism/exhibitionism, consider partnered masturbation in front of the mirror. It can be a very arousing experience for both you and your partner.
5. Oral sex
No sex without penetration list would be complete without oral sex. It's one of the most pleasurable types of sexual activities that many people enjoy. If you haven't explored much of it, then definitely add it to your sexual repertoire!
For blowjobs, consider using edible lube if you find it hard to produce enough saliva. The wetter, the better (always when it comes to sex!), and using just a dash can make all the difference. Alternatively, consider using something like our Mouthwatering Spray that helps to increase saliva production.
For cunnilingus, it's always fun to add more sensations. One way to do it is by an alternative between different types of stimulation (sucking, licking up and down, licking side to side, nipping with your teeth, etc.).
Another way to add more sensations is to use something like our Oral Sex Balm which gives a cooling effect that works well with the warmth of your mouth to enhance the sensations.
6. Nipple play
Nipple play might not be for everyone, but if you or your partner enjoy nipple/breast stimulation, then you should 100% incorporate it into your sexual routine. Some people might even have a full-blown orgasm just from nipple/breast stimulation alone!
You can stimulate the nipples with your fingers, or introduce your mouth to add extra sensations. If you're more adventurous and love sex toys, then consider nipple suckers or nipple clamps to add sucking sensations and pain play.
Our Climax Nipple Play Gel is a wonderful addition to nipple play as well. Its cooling technology allows you to add a different type of sensation on the nipple, and further enhance the sensations.
7. Phone/video sex
You don't always have to be in the same room to have sex. Whether you're in a long-distance relationship, or not, phone/video sex can be a great way to have sex without penetration.
It allows you to hone your dirty talk skills, get your imagination going and it might even allow you to feel more comfortable and confident communicating your sexual needs, wants, and desires.
Also, you can use phone/video sex or even sexting as a way to build up the tension before you meet your partner in person.
Kunyaza is an ancient African sexual practice that focuses on the external vulva and clitoris stimulation only to trigger squirting orgasms. The way it works is pretty simple: the erect penis rhythmically taps, strikes, and rubs the clitoris and vaginal opening until an orgasm (or in some cases even squirting) is achieved.
Why not try this technique the next time you have sex with your partner? It might take some time for both of you to find the right rhythm and the type of tapping, rubbing, and other types of stimulation until you find the rotation that brings the most pleasure. So, be ready for a fun exploration!
Edging is a sexual practice that focuses on getting close to an orgasm and then seizing all stimulation, without allowing yourself or your partner to climax. Most often, it's done multiple rounds to build up the arousal, which makes the orgasm, in the end, feel much more pleasurable.
There are plenty of ways how you can try edging with your partner (or solo – it's a very versatile sexual practice), and many ways include sex without penetration.
You can easily experiment with all the different ways to have sex we already discussed on the list, getting yourself or your partner to an orgasm, but never going over the edge.
If you're interested in exploring kink and powerplay, edging is a fairly good place to start. Taking control of your partner's orgasm (or surrendering to your partner and allowing them to control your orgasms) is a great way to play with the Dom/Sub dynamic and see if you enjoy it.
Don't underestimate the power of kissing!
Kissing can sometimes take the backseat in a relationship, especially if you've been together with your partner for a long time. You either only kiss when it's time to initiate sex, as a form of foreplay before penetration.
Or, you only do it as a quick and mindless "hello/goodbye" gesture.
But kissing can be so much more. And it can be a highly erotic activity that doesn't have to lead to penetrative sex or other things.
Or, you can keep the mint in your mouth while you kiss your partner's body (blowing on sensitive areas like nipples or neck with a cool minty breath can feel very good for your partner).
Another way to gamify kissing and make it more fun is to forbid each other from touching while making out by keeping your hands behind your back. See how long both of you can go on without touching each other. It's harder than it sounds!