So you want to dive into a new kind of sensual fun, do you? But maybe you’re a little frightened? Perhaps you’ve seen videos or heard stories about bondage or other realms of BDSM that were somewhat intimidating or even off-putting? No need to fear! There’s absolutely no reason to jump into the deep end here.

In fact, there are several light bondage techniques you could try that are super pleasurable, kink-friendly, yet only a slight deviation from vanilla sex. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, we say! 

Let us introduce you to the world of bondage, BDSM, and give you the tips and tricks you need to slowly ease your way in.

As we’ve mentioned the term ‘discipline’ already, this act of discipline is often given by someone who is referred to as a ‘dominant’.

A dominant (aka a ‘dom’) has the responsibility of taking care of and looking out for their submissive’s general wellbeing. With this, they take a varying degree of control over their submissive (aka ‘sub’).

A submissive is someone who is willing to give up some or all of their control to their dominant. By doing this, they’re receiving the kind of mental, physical, and psychological stimulation that they seek.

For example: a dom may ask their sub to refrain from masturbation for a period of time, or they may request that their sub massages them or licks their feet. If the task is not completed, the sub will receive some kind of punishment or ‘discipline’.

Note: Everything that takes place between a dom and a sub should always be consensual.

 A dominant should always have their submissive’s best interests at heart, and they should always do what is best for their sub. 

With that, today we’re going to focus mainly on the submissive’s role, answering questions like: how to be submissive, what is submissive sex, roles for submissives, and how to keep safe during bondage and BDSM experiences. 

We’ll also take a peek at how to be a dominant for beginners, and what the term ‘fendom’ means. Finally, we’ll give you the chance to read one person’s personal account with bondage with their dominant partner! A little erotic story, if you will! Exciting time ahead!

Being submissive in the bedroom, and referring to oneself as a submissive, are two different things. You can be submissive without having the dom/sub relationship or dynamic, yet simply enjoy the role for an evening or two.

However you plan to engage, the first important tip on how to be submissive, is to set some rules and boundaries with your partner beforehand. This means that you’ll discuss the things you want to try, your big no’s, and your limits.

It’ll also prove invaluable to have a safe word, just in case, and to have things nearby that will bring you comfort should you need it, like a glass of water.

In all honesty, being submissive is all about communicating with your partner, and working together to create a dynamic that’s pleasurable for both of you. It also means being honest with yourself and your partner, having an open mind, and always putting your mental and physical health first.

But for this dynamic to work, a dominant will need to have unwavering respect for their sub. This will create a strong sense of trust, making it comfortable to ultimately ‘submit’ to them. In other words, it’s a two-way-street, and both partners need each other in order to fulfill their roles in a safe and pleasurable manner.

Having said that, there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how to be a good submissive. The true meaning of being a good submissive relies heavily on the dominant, and the interactions, rules, respect, and trust that’s shared.

And in a strange turn of events, it is actually the submissive who has the power in a dom/sub relationship, as they’re able to dictate what they will or won’t allow. 

Submissive sex is a role that is taken during sex. It entails one partner being less dominant, while the other partner is more in control, taking the reins. To partake in submissive sex, both partners must be consenting adults.

Submissive sex doesn’t necessarily have to encompass BDSM, as many partners naturally assume one role or the other during sexual activity. But if one does want to engage in more of a BDSM-like submissive sex role, the submissive partner could be at the receiving end of masochim, be bound with various bondage gear, or enjoy other forms of domination during sex.

Whether you’re going the more BDSM-like route, or you’re simply assuming a more submissive role, practicing submissive sex is a way in which to introduce power dynamics in the bedroom. This can heighten pleasure and allow partners to explore new kinds of sexual bliss. It’s also a way in which to tap into sexual fantasies that you and your partner may be having. 

If you are intrigued about submissive sex, take a peek here to discover some submissive positions to set your imagination free. 

Now, let’s take a look into BDSM rules for subs, aka: rules for submissives. Of course there are no clear-cut rules that every couple needs to follow, because every individual is different. 

But, discussing rules and guidelines before engaging in submissive and dominant roles is extremely important. 

In this way, the rules are almost like commands that the dominant will be in charge of. Take note that these rules and agreements can be changed at any time. This is so that the experience is mutually beneficial and enjoyable. 

Here is the most common list of rules for subs (many of which are those who live the BDSM lifestyle):

• The sub must call their dominant a certain name, such as Sir or Master
• The sub must ask for some kind of permission, verbal or non-verbal, to speak
• The sub must be contactable between certain hours
• The sub may not orgasm without their dominant being present/or without their dominant’s permission
• The sub may not discuss the nature of their dom/sub relationship with anyone
• The sub will wear a collar when in the presence of their dominant
• The sub must kneel before their dom when they enter a room
• The sub must ask permission to enter or leave a room
• The sub must not wear clothing inside the home
• The sub must run errands for their dom, such as laying out their clothes for them the night before
• The sub must ensure that the dom’s phone is fully charged every morning
• The sub must wear what their dominant wants when attending parties and events
• The sub must massage their dominant when requested
• The sub must send a ‘good morning’ text every day
• The sub must say daily affirmations in front of the mirror every morning
• The sub must use a certain sex toy, like a wearable vibrator or butt plug, to a public place
• The sub must reveal what they fantasised about whilst masturbating 

If you’re somewhat apprehensive about some of these items, we assure you that some of these rules are for those who practise the BDSM lifestyle daily. They are by no means a guide for you, and you can choose some of these, or none, and come up with a list of your own BDSM rules for subs.

There is no ‘right’ way to be dominant, but there is a wrong way. For some, they believe that being a dom means dismissing their sub, having them do whatever they want without consent, and placing no importance on their wellbeing. 

This is the complete opposite of what it means to be a good dominant.

A dom/sub relationship is all about communication, trust, respect, and overall well being. As mentioned, dominants and their submissives should discuss their wants and needs as well as their dislikes, limits, and hard limits before anything takes place. 

Everything that a dominant does or requests of the submissive will have been pre-discussed, and thus there is consent for every action or activity.  

With that, we’re happy that you’ve found our guide to being a dominant so that you can learn this before you start your dom/sub relationship.  

Here is a concise guide to being dominant in the bedroom for beginners:

• Take into account that this kind of relationship builds slowly, so start off small with things that are less intimidating, such as using a blindfold or handcuffs on your submissive
• Remember that being a ‘good’ dominant takes time and practice, it’s a journey that you go through with your submissive
• Take on the dominant roles subtly by initiating a kiss or intimate act
• Be more upfront and communicate what you’d like to do or try
• Start by giving your submissive partner easy orders like “Can you do me a favour and get me a glass of water?” “Would you rub my feet?”
• After some time, and both partners are comfortable, you could start to be kinkier in your orders such as “You can’t come until I tell you to,” or “Get on the bed and spread your legs for me”
• Take the time to talk to your partner, and to have some alone thinking time, about what kind of dominant you’d like to be. Are you interested in being dominant in sex only, or do you like the idea of living the BDSM lifestyle 24/7?
• Take the time to learn the lingo pertaining to being a dominant and/or having a dom/sub relationship, such as SSC (safe, sane, consensual), and being a ‘switch’ (when partners switch between being a dominant and a submissive depending on their mood
• Take the time to look at the psychology of submission, and why your partner may be intrigued about being a submissive
• Always take your submissive’s requests and feelings into account, and help them to overcome their insecurities in a loving and patient way
• Both partners need to trust each other, so you will need to prove that you are a trustworthy person who wants to provide a safe space for them. A dom/sub relationship is, at the end of the day, an equal one
• Be aware that being a dominant is not easy, and it is not merely taking on a role that involves giving out orders. As a dom, you will always need to take your submissive’s well being into account and make sure that they are doing ok, mentally, physically, and psychologically
• Learn more about yourself and your strengths and shortcomings. If you have a bad temper or are unable to control your anger or negative emotions, perhaps you are not well-suited to being a dominant
• Be aware that dominants can experience feelings of being overwhelmed as they are ‘protecting’ their subs. There is also something called ‘top drop’ which is when a dominant feels low, depressed, or even guilty after a scene or experience with their sub
• Being a good dom requires one to be curious, kind, consistent, decisive, and others focused

And before we continue onto the safety aspect of the dom/sub relationship and BDSM, let’s indulge in femdom for beginners. If you’re unsure of what femdom is, don’t stress! That’s what we’re here for… to be as precise as possible in our guide that is domination for beginners.

Femdom (which stands for Female Dominance) is a kink where a female, or someone who identifies as ‘femme’, dominates their partner (oftentimes a male).

 In this way, it is the female who takes control over a submissive. Oftentimes, this dominant will be referred to as a Dominatrix. 

When it comes to femdom domination for beginners, it works similarly to the above mentioned title: how to be a dominant for beginners. This kind of domination can include elements of pain and/or pleasure, both mentally and/or physically.

Other ideas for fendom domination for beginners can include:

• Using bondage gear and techniques, such as using bondage tape, on a submissive partner
• Humiliating or degrading a submissive partner
• Pegging a male submissive
• Ball busting a male submissive

Fendom can be a huge turn on for many men, as they may love the element of being taken advantage of. Again, this type of relationship needs to be consensual and enjoyed by both parties.

When partaking in a dom/sub relationship, consent is key, just as it is with another type of relationship. Without consent, it’s a no-go. 

To reach an agreement pertaining to this type of relationship, you need very clear, euphemism-free communication. Calling everything by its name and talking about what you desire in clear terms will mean that future misunderstandings or unpleasant situations can be avoided. 

When one of the parties says stop, things should stop immediately. This is hard to do if you’re using accessories, such as bondage gear, that are not easy to undo, especially if one lacks experience. 

And, what happens if one participates in roleplay or the like where fantasy and reality begin to blend into one? Naturally, there are many fantasies in which resistance is part of the game. How can we add this element without foregoing consent? Easy: with a safe word.

While discussing the rules of play (something good in any practice, not just dom/sub relationships) you can add a safe word which triggers a total halt to proceedings. Try to use short words which are easy to remember, memorable and unrelated to the activity.

Then, of course, there’s the element of safe sex! Make sure to use condoms if you’re experimenting with a new partner or if one or more partners are sexually active with others.

Basically: a dom/sub relationship should always be pleasurable, safe, and desired.

To end off, and just for a little teaser, we thought we’d add a testimonial from someone’s very first time in bondage. We found an entirely thrilling confession from one Reddit user who indulged!

“Sir and I were finally able to have a few evening hours together. He had been playfully teasing me via message about putting me in restraints. Anticipating that I would be restrained was nerve-racking but very exciting although I was quite unsure of what to expect.

The evening started in the same way most of our times together have: lots of kissing, him throwing me down onto the bed and kissing me some more, and usually, him giving me an orgasm in some way. In this case, he went down on me and gave me a few, amazing orgasms right away, and then laid on top of me and cuddled for a second. He asked me if I was feeling brave and adventurous, and I smiled and said yes. Sir then did something I was not expecting, which was communicate everything I needed to know about what was going to happen. He talked about the kind of restraints, why they are used (comfort), and how they work. He talked about the lengths of each of the colours of rope and how they are used. He then buckled the wrist restraints and secured them to the bed so that I could get used to them.

As he buckled my ankle restraints he told me about safe words, he also said that “no” and “stop” do not mean no and stop and that instead I should use “yellow” for slow down and “red” for stop immediately. He also stressed that the safewords should be used only if I really needed something, if something is painful, or makes me worried. He asked if I understood and I said yes; I was surprised by how professional this all was and I could definitely tell he had given this same talk many times before. He asked if I had any questions and I stated that I couldn’t think of any. Then he positioned himself between my legs, grabbed the hitachi, put it right on my clit, and turned it on.

As the orgasm built I could feel my wrist restraints first, I began to attempt to pull my hands into my body and felt as they caught, each still at least a foot away from my torso. I thought I would be worried about how I looked and how vulnerable I was, but because of Sir I felt surprisingly comfortable. The first orgasm came so quickly, I was amazed. After the second and third orgasm, I was pulling quite hard on the restraints and pushing my legs against the bed. I felt my body begin to shake and that I was losing control of my responses. At first this frightened me, but I realised there was nothing I could do but give into it.

It was difficult for me to tell where one orgasm ended and another started. Eventually, I breathlessly told Sir to stop by saying “stop” and “stop, please”. This only seemed to make him want to do it more and he turned the hitachi to high mode. At this point I was thrashing around a bit, I could feel all of the restraints pulling on my limbs and keeping them in place. I could feel myself gushing as my muscles contracted from the intensity of each orgasm. I asked him to stop again and he asked if I remembered the safe word, I squeaked out a “yes” in response. I became more and more out of breath. I finally gave in and said “yellow” in hopes of getting some relief from the vibrator. He kept it on me, but didn’t move and asked if I was okay, I said yes and he continued.

A few moments later I said yellow again, and he told me to catch my breath. The pleasure and the feelings were so intense that I could not help but try to move around. After a moment or two more, my entire body began to shake and my mind went blank as I had my most powerful orgasm yet. After this one, Sir turned the vibrator off and put it back; all I could do was close my eyes and recover for a second. He unhooked my restraints and said “how do you feel, love?”. Of course, I felt great.

As soon as I moved after my leg restraints were taken off, Sir made a comment about how messy I was, and I could feel it. We had been on top of the comforter, and I had soaked all the way through to the sheets. Being super wet (and “messy”) had always been something that had happened to me, but this was entirely different. I felt so embarrassed, I just kept apologising. Sir kept telling me it was okay. He got a towel and we laid it down on the bed so that we could hug and cuddle after. I felt terrible about making such a mess, but I am not sure there is anything I could do to control it. Aside from being messy, my first experience with “light bondage” was fun, exciting, an amazing learning experience, and also gave me the most intense orgasms I have had to date.”

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