The Subtle Art of Dirty Talk: How To Talk Dirty in the Bedroom
When I think about dirty talk in the bedroom, the first thing that comes to mind is that episode of Sex and The City when Miranda was hooking up with a guy who talked dirty during sex. She was shy and hesitant about trying to use dirty talk herself. But when Miranda finally did find the courage and did talk dirty, the guy dipped.
One of the fears that people have when it comes to talking dirty is that they'll spook their partners or that their partners will not look at them the same way. All these fears are valid. However, dirty talk doesn't have to be a big scary monster.
With the right tools and some preparation, you can easily learn how to talk dirty in the bedroom and spice up your sex life with just a few words.
The role of dirty talk in our sex lives
The first thing that comes to mind when we think about sex organs are breasts, nipples, penises, vaginas... These are all the sexual organs we tend to focus most on during sex. However, the biggest and one of the most important sex organs is actually our brain.
The brain produces all the hormones like testosterone and dopamine that play an important part in sexual desire and pleasure. It is also responsible for how we view and process sex and our sexuality. Our brain is where all sexual fantasies are born. So, stimulating our brain during sex is just as important as stimulating our genitals.
Dirty talk can be a tool that helps activate our brain and stimulate it during sex, which makes dirty talk a very powerful and useful tool to utilize in the bedroom.
There is another important role dirty talk plays in sex. If you are in a long-distance relationship, then dirty talk over the phone, aka phone sex, is a way to be intimate with your partner.
How to talk dirty like a pro
If you're curious about learning the secrets of how to talk dirty in the bedroom, then we have a few key tips to help you get started. Even if you're shy and don't have experience, you can still learn how to do it well.
Just like you discuss boundaries and what turns you on and off before having sex with your partner, it's smart to do the same before you start incorporating dirty talk into your routine. Maybe there are things you're not comfortable hearing. Or certain words that give you an "ick" and that you don't want to hear coming out of your partner's mouth. Let them know.
Also, it might be a good thing to take things slow. If you've never communicated before in the bedroom during the act, your partner might be thrown off if you suddenly start talking like a pornstar. So, talk things out before engaging in dirty talk and take things one step at a time.
Get comfortable with dirty talk
It might be daunting to start if you've never talked dirty to your partner during sex. Saying things like "fuck me harder" can feel unnatural if you're not used to saying them often. And due to the shame that most of us still have around sex, communicating your dirtiest thoughts gets even harder.
A good place to start learning how to talk dirty if you're nervous is by text. You're going to be on your own, so there is no pressure from your partner. You can also take your time and think about what you want to say and the desires you want to express. And, not having to see your partner's face might make it easier to be bold.
So, when you feel like it, send your partner naughty texts and share things you want to do with them later. Or, tell them how horny you feel and let them know that you're going to masturbate right now. This sort of tease will surely build tension, and your partner will appreciate getting messages like that spontaneously over the course of their day.
Read erotica with your partner
A great place to get a feel for what you like and learn how to talk dirty is from erotica books. There are tons of great classic erotica books like Little Birds by Anais Nin you can pick up. Or, if you want something more modern, then Best Women's Erotica of the Year is a great place to find erotica that's steamy and of good quality.
Read erotica with your partner out loud, so both of you could get the inspiration for what to say and how to express yourselves during sex. And reading erotica out loud will also help you get familiar and comfortable with hearing and saying naughty things to each other.
If you like audio over the written word, then a great place to find erotica is Dipsea. They have a plethora of erotica stories tailored specifically for women, so download their app and check out their erotic stories library. Audio erotica might be better because you and your partner can get a good feel of how certain phrases sound when someone else says them aloud.
Share your fantasies
Dirty talk can serve as a way to share your sexual fantasies and what you like with your partner. Researchers have found that those couples that communicate during sex have higher satisfaction with their sex lives than those couples who don't. These findings make sense because communication ensures that everyone has a good time and that you and your partner are doing what feels good.
Most people find it challenging to communicate their sexual needs to their partners. If you're one of those people, then learning how to talk dirty during sex can help you overcome the obstacle and communicate your sexual fantasies and needs in an efficient and non-awkward way.
What to say:
- "I imagine taking you from behind the next time we shower and fucking you until you see stars."
- "I would like it if you to tie me up and eat me out."
- "I imagine you returning from work to find me spread out on the table, naked and waiting for you."
Tell them what you're going to do
Another way to talk dirty is by telling your partner what you want to do to them. It's a safe way to learn how to talk dirty because you're simply expressing what you're going to do. Start simple, don't overthink, and just let your partner know what they're about to get.
What to say:
- "When I was putting on my lipstick this morning, all I could think about was the marks it would leave on your body."
- "I want to take you from behind while my hand plays with your clit."
- "I'll want to see you with your legs spread in front of me."
- "I just got this new toy, and all I could think about is using it on you until you scream."
- "I want to bury my face between your thighs."
Ask them to do things for you
If you're feeling bold, you might want to ask your partner to tell you all the things they want to do to you. It can also be a great way to dip your toes into the BDSM power-play dynamic and try some light begging if that's something you're interested in.
What to say:
- "I want you to take me harder, deeper, faster."
- "I want to feel your lips against my neck."
- "Please, I want you inside me."
- "Please, kiss me between my thighs."
- "I want you to fuck me from behind while you pull my hair."
Sprinkle in a little bit of praise
Does your partner feel good? Do you love how they fill you in/touch you/kiss you/fuck you? Then, let them know exactly how they make you feel in the way of little praises that can also be part of dirty talk.
What to say:
- "I love the way you smell."
- "I love the feeling of you inside."
- "Yes, just like that. Keep going."
- "You're taking it so well."
- "Good girl/boy."
- "That's my girl/boy."
- "You can take this, baby."
- "You're so good."
- "You taste amazing."
- "You've been so good to me. Keep going."
- "Just like that. You're doing it perfectly."
Share your feelings
When talking dirty, a great thing to say is to share exactly how you feel in the moment. Sharing your emotions and feelings during sex can be very intimate, and it's a huge turn-on. So, if you want to learn how to talk dirty like a pro, be honest about your feelings to your partner.
What to say:
- "I love the feel of your skin against mine."
- "I want to spend all night in your arms."
- "When you look at me like that, I want to melt in your arms."
- "Your eyes are driving me crazy."
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