Tantric sex for beginners

Tantric sex can be a fantastic way to spice things up in the bedroom with your partner, whether you're at home or on a vacation. It doesn't require any special tools or experience, so it's also very accessible to everyone – even those who are not in a relationship. 

If you are curious about learning more about tantric sex,  the benefits, and how to try it at home, partnered or solo, then read on.

Your guide to tantric sex for beginners

What is tantric sex?

Tantric sex (sometimes referred to as sexual yoga) is a sexual practice that is rooted in spirituality and mindfulness. Its main focus is to find and foster a deeper connection with yourself and your partner through various sexual activities.


Tantric sex origins

Tantric sex is only one part of the ancient Hindu spiritual practice known as tantra. In Sanskrit, the word "tantra" means "to weave" and it is essentially what tantra is all about – weaving together different energies that we all have within us (some believe it's about weaving the masculine and the feminine energies) and creating the mind-body-soul connection.

Tantra originated in 600 CE in India, and there are two different distinct types: traditional tantra and neotantra, which has been popular for the last 150 years. 

While traditional tantra is focused more on spirituality, finding enlightenment, and various rituals to help practitioners reach the desired level of spiritual bliss, with tantric sexuality being only a small part of it, neotantra focuses more on intimacy, connection, and sexuality. 

What are the benefits of exploring tantric sex?

There are definitely many benefits to practicing tantric sex whether you are in a relationship or single, but here are the three most popular:


We, humans, crave novelty, especially in long-term relationships. When the excitement of being in a new relationship with a partner wears off and we become more comfortable, people often find themselves sexually bored. 

An effective cure for sexual boredom and a great way to rekindle the passion in the relationship is to engage in novel activities. Tantric sex can be something new and exciting to try with your partner. Engaging in tantric sex activities can help you expand your understanding of sex and find new, pleasurable things you enjoy. 

Deeper connection

Because tantric sex is intimate and focuses on getting very close to your partner physically and emotionally, it can lead to feeling a deeper connection to your partner during and after the practice. 

Through massage, slow, sensual exploration, and being present in the moment, you are able to fully feel and enjoy your partner and their company. Also, tantric sex encourages communication and worshiping your partner, which can further help your connection flourish. 

Better orgasms

While tantric sex is a practice that is focused more on the connection, rather than having an orgasm, it can help improve your orgasms. 

Tantric sex whether with a partner or solo removes the pressure of having sex a certain type of way, and puts more emphasis on exploration. That can greatly help people who have trouble with premature orgasms, or who are unable to orgasm at all. 

During tantric sex you are focusing on being present in the moment, and mindful of all the emotions and sensations you feel. That can also greatly improve your chances of having a better, more intense, and satisfying orgasm.

Research shows that people with vulvas have better-quality orgasms when their partners spend time building up the arousal and include clitoral stimulation. Translation: orgasms are better when there is more foreplay involved. Tantric sex can provide longer lovemaking sessions with tons of foreplay, which can also be a reason for better orgasms.  

How to have tantric sex with a partner or solo

Whether you are in a relationship and have a partner who is eager to try tantric sex, or you want to try and experience it solo, here are a few tips to help you explore tantric sex: 

Schedule time for it

Tantric sex is all about taking your time exploring your partner's body and connecting with them in an authentic and deep way, without rushing anywhere. Because of that, you want to dedicate enough time for exploration and choose a time of the day when you won't be interrupted. 

While scheduling sex is a controversial topic that people don't seem to agree on, it can actually be super hot and arousing to set a date on your calendar for a tantric sex session with your partner. This will give you both something to look forward to, and it will also ensure that you both set the time aside to foster intimacy and eroticism in your relationship. 

If you're going solo: scheduling a date night with yourself to explore tantric pleasure is also a great idea. Put it in your calendar, and treat it like any other commitment you have. This can help you prioritize you and your self-care time.  

Set the mood

Ensuring that your place is neat, tidy, and without distractions will help you and your partner feel much more in the mood for sexy play. If you have kids' toys around and work laptops on the table next to a half-eaten plate of dinner can create distractions, especially for people with anxiety disorder or ADHD. 

So, spend the time before your date night tidying up your space. Make sure you put your phones on silent and have everything you will need (like sex toys, lubes, and other accessories) close at hand. 

Consider choosing a relaxing, sensual music playlist and playing some music in the background. Maybe even light some scented candles and dim the lights to create a sensual ambiance. 

If you're going solo: just because you're solo, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't put in the effort in setting the mood. You can also tidy the space, and play some sensual music to help you get in a mood. Consider taking a shower or a hot bath before to help you relax. 

Eye gazing 

Eye gazing is an extremely intimate act and one of the reasons so many people love the Missionary sex position. Tantric sex is all about sensually gazing into your partner's eyes, right into their soul. 

As you explore each other's bodies, cuddle, or simply sit in front of each other, focus on maintaining eye contact and allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with it. 

If you're going solo: eye gazing is not only for couples! You can experiment with sitting in front of a mirror while you mindfully pleasure yourself, and gaze into your eyes in the mirror. Trust us, it can be a very unique and erotic experience. 

Breathing is key

Breathwork is another important part of tantric sex. Breathing helps calm you down, and feel more centered and connected to your body. It is also a way to connect with your partner if you choose to sync your breathing. 

Try this at the same time with your partner:

  1. Slowly breathe in through your nose as you count to four in your mind. 
  2. Hold your breath while you count to seven. 
  3. Exhale through your mount to a count of eight.
  4. Repeat the cycle three times. 

It might take a few takes to sync your breath to your partner. But once you do, you'll be much more in tune with your and their body, which can be an exhilarating experience. 

If you're going solo: the same breathing technique can be applied while going solo. Focus on deep, level breathing while you pleasure yourself to enhance the pleasure and connection to yourself. 

Be present 

Mindfulness is one of the key pillars of tantra. Being present is key to feeling centered and calm, and fully connected to yourself and your surroundings. But it can be very hard. 

While exploring tantric sex with your partner, try to be aware of where your mind is. Are you thinking about your to-do list? Or do you find yourself going over a conversation you had earlier today? 

Once you catch yourself thinking about anything that's not related to what's happening now, your body and your partner next to you, gently bring your attention back to the present and take in all the details and sensations. It might be hard at first, but it gets easier with practice.  

If your partner and you are open and comfortable, you might consider sharing your thoughts on what you are feeling in the moment, and how each touch and look your partner gives you influences your emotions and sensations.

If you're going solo: consider counting your breaths when going solo to keep your attention on your body and in the present while your hands explore your body. 

It's about the journey, not the destination

Tantric sex is not against reaching an orgasm, but it's not focused on it either. It's all about the journey and the sensations and pleasure you feel during it, rather than rushing to the big O. 

So, here's where the fun lies – consider engaging in activities that are pleasurable for as long as you desire and it feels good, with no pressure to orgasm. You can give your partner a full body massage, engage in long and hot makeout sessions, try dry humping, and all the other sexual activities that feel good. 

Our Slow Sex collection has products that are perfect for sensual and orgasmic exploration. Use a body massage oil to give your partner a massage, a clitoral stimulating balm to enhance sensations, and nipple gel to explore new heights of pleasure. 

If you're going solo: sometimes when masturbating, we tend to rush to climax, because it's so easy. Try to focus on exploring how different sensations feel rather than how to touch yourself until you reach an orgasm. So, touch yourself in places you usually don't, and observe how it feels. 


Try tantric sex positions 

One of the most popular and well-known tantric sex positions is "yab yum" otherwise known as the lotus. It is a very intimate position that allows you to see and feel your partner very well. To get into this position do this:

  1. One partner sits down crossed-legged on a comfortable surface. Place a pillow underneath for more comfort if needed.
  2. The other partner then sits in their partner's lap, face-to-face, and crosses their legs behind their partner's back. 
  3. Hug or bring your foreheads together as you both breathe. 

If you're going solo: you can also try a variation of the "yab yum" solo. Sit crossed-legged on a comfortable surface, on a pillow, or on a blanket if it's more comfortable. Place your palms on your knees and close your eyes. Inhale and exhale slowly and deeply, and bring your attention to your body. 

Delay orgasm

Edging is the practice of delaying orgasm in order to build arousal or train yourself to last longer in bed. It's a perfect thing to try with your partner during tantric sex. 

Here's how to do it: pleasure your partner with your hands, mouth, or toys until they're about to orgasm, and then stop the stimulation. Once your partner recovers, repeat that again until they're close to orgasm again before stopping. Repeat it a few times before allowing your partner to orgasm. 

If you're going solo: edging is also amazing for solo pleasure! It might be even easier because you know yourself and your orgasm the best. So, pleasure yourself until you're close, and then stop. Give yourself a little bit of time before building up the arousal again and stopping. Repeat a few times, before allowing yourself to have an orgasm. 

Keep an open mind 

As with every new sexual experience, keep an open mind when going into an exploration of tantric sex. Be prepared for experimentation, and make sure you are patient with yourself and your partner. It might take time to get it right, and that's alright – it's part of the process.

Also, don't take yourself too seriously! The goal is to connect with yourself and your partner on a deeper level, and that includes laughing and having a good time. 

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