How to Have Slow Sex: Explore, Feel, Enjoy

We’re living in a fast-paced world where instant gratification is everything. Most of us cannot even wait for the punchline of a one-minute TikTok video, let alone take the time or consider a session of conscious and pleasurable slow sex. 

And yes, quick fixes are great in some instances but when it comes to sex and intimacy, to slow down means the possibility of enjoying a more profound kind of connection, to satisfy deeper sexual desires, and to possibly reach a new sense of fulfillment. 

In fact, sexologists almost universally recommend extended, gentle, playful, mutual whole-body caressing as a key ingredient of satisfying sex.

Slow sex

But before we talk about how to have slow sex—a unique experience that’s impossible to measure on an emotional level, modern science has proven just how powerful slow sex can be…   

Slow sex, eye contact & the release of feel-good hormones 

One way in which to feel the blissful release of feel-good hormones during sex is for partner’s to gaze into each other's eyes during intimacy. In fact, a mere one or two minutes of uninterrupted gazing could result in deeper trust and greater mutual attraction, and thus, more satisfying sex.

Evidence suggests that prolonged eye contact prompts the nervous system to release the magical hormone, oxytocin (often called the “love” or the “cuddle” hormone). Oxytocin creates space for bonding and attachment—two things that heighten sexual experiences. 

Additionally, the hormone phenylethylamine (PEA) can also be released during intimacy and eye contact. This hormone is said to improve romantic chemistry, feelings of attraction, and desire. To add to this, PEA is responsible for the release of dopamine, a hormone that can aid in the feeling of love and excitement. 

All in all, there is immense power in eye contact when it comes to enjoying slow sex and experiencing heightened arousal and sexual bliss. 

And while it may seem easy enough to do, we’ll give you a few tips on how to have fun with it below.

How to have slow sex

Here are three ways for you and your partner to take things down a notch and practice slow sex. Remember: it’s not always “all or nothing”. 

Eye contact

Slow Sex

Eye contact can be an activity in itself or it can be a part of your play time. 

For example, you could each grab a chair and sit opposite from one another, gazing into each other’s eyes for about five minutes (less if five seems too much). This might be a great idea before you engage in slow sex, as it can build a warm and intimate foundation. You could be clothed or naked. 

Or, you could incorporate eye contact into your foreplay. Imagine engaging in mutual masturbation (each partner masturbating themselves) whilst looking into your lover’s eyes. This ensures that you have each other’s full attention. 

Orgasmic meditation

According to Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, orgasmic meditation ( or “OM-ing) is when “we learn to shift our focus from thinking to feeling, from a goal orientation to an experience orientation. This shift turns all our expectations about sex on their head.”

Slow Sex

Here, we’ve quoted Daedone as they explain OM-ing in four steps:

  1.  Place lube on your left pointer finger and let your partner know you’re about to make contact.
  1.  Using the same finger, stroke once upward from her vaginal opening or introitus, ending at the upper left of her clit, spreading the lube over her clit as you go.
  1.  Using your thumb and middle finger, pull back her hood so that you can see her clit. Then place the tip of your left pointer finger on the upper left quadrant (her upper left) of her clit, and slide it around a bit until there is a feeling of it “locking into” her perfect spot. Finding her spot will take practice, so don’t be discouraged if it takes time.
  1.  Begin to stroke her clit slowly, up and down, with the tip of your pointer finger. Use the lightest possible pressure to begin and increase from there. The strokes should be relatively short, no more than half an inch in length and should be as consistent as you can make them.

Erogenous and lesser-known erogenous zones

Many of us know about the common erogenous zones such as the clitoris, g-spot, prostate and penis. And they're the most common erogenous zones for a reason—they usually get us hot and heavy fairly quickly. Did you know that strap-ons, are great for slow sex and stimulating your erogenous spots? There are different strap-on types that have curved shapes, textures, and other features that stimulate and let you enjoy slow sex.

Slow Sex

But what about the lesser-known hot spots? We don’t usually give them a lot of attention, but we should be. Why? For a number of beneficial reasons:

  1. Doing so builds up sexual arousal and desire. 
  2. It allows the body and the mind to warm up and relax before for other sexual acts.
  3. Slow sensual foreplay acts such as kissing releases oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine—hormones that get you out of your head, reduce stress, and help you to be in the present moment with your partner.
  4. Slow sex allows partners to inch closer to orgasm more so than if it were orgasm-centered/hard and fast. This is called ‘edging’ and can result in bigger and better orgasms.

Your unique journey to slow sex

To sum up, slow sex is essentially a unique journey. No two bodies are the same, and that is why there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to pleasure. 

Slow sex is about taking time to explore, feel, and enjoy and that’s what makes this type of intimacy so special. 

And plus, no one ever complained about taking the slow and scenic route, now did they?

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