When reaching orgasm gets tough (or even impossible), or if you just want to feel more and feel better, it’s time to stop, breathe and read these helpful hints
Our fast pace of life, modern diet and sedentary lifestyle are among the reasons for low-quality pleasure. Add to this pressure, comparison and feelings of guilt, shame and denial, and it’s no wonder that having a good time by ourselves or with a partner can be a challenge. Take a moment to stop and reflect on your sexual encounters, both those you have alone and in company. It’s important to observe, question and, above all, determine what you really like and what brings you pleasure.
Clitoris, G-spot and masturbation
Although there are studies which confirm that the famous G-spot is none other than the internal part of the clitoris, we’re going to address it separately on this occasion in order to understand the diverse and different ways that stimulation can bring pleasure.
Things are starting to improve now, but not so long ago sex education in schools was based on procreation and, at most, how to prevent STDs. But beyond the ‘in and out’, there is a whole world of possibilities…and that goes for the ‘in and out' itself too! So, let’s start by saying that if you like penetration, the G-spot is located 3–5 centimetres inside the vagina, on the front wall, adjacent to the bladder. Fingers are a fantastic tool for pleasure and exploration — use them! Pleasure gels heighten sensations and help the fun to last as long as you like. Experience pleasure alone, work out what you like, what turns you on and make it known in each and every relationship.
Did you know that 80% of people with a vulva reach orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris? Actually, not the clitoris, just a small part of it: the glans. Yep, that magic little love button at the junction between the labia minora, above the vaginal opening and urethra. And if you’re someone who enjoys clitoral stimulation, we recommend using a pleasure gel or orgasm balm and that you caress, apply pressure or rub it. Whatever feels good!
Be aware of frequencies, rhythms, pressure...everything! Find pleasure in every corner of your body, forget anything you don’t like and, above all, COMMUNICATE about what you do and don’t want.
Orgasm is not the goal
It seems contradictory, but you might not be having orgasms because you’re totally obsessed with the idea. And, no, no matter what people may think, pleasure is not the same as orgasm, and orgasm is not the same as pleasure. Sometimes, you’ll climax without any fuss or fanfare, just as a pure physiological response. Whether you actually enjoyed it is a different story.
Stop overthinking it and engage in some mindfulness. Be aware of what is happening in the moment, whether you’re alone or in company. You are enveloped in a body that is constantly seeking pleasurable sensations, like the roots of a tree expanding to take refuge in the earth or how sunflowers turn to face the light. Be guided by your senses, forget orgasms and enjoy the journey.
Ahh, stress. One of humankind’s worst enemies and, without a doubt, one we are all too familiar with in the 21st century. Stress, a sedentary lifestyle, poor diet and, generally speaking, anything else that is damaging to your health―such as alcohol, drugs and smoking―are going to negatively affect your sexual health. Simply put: adiós libido, sexual performance, lubrication and concentration.
So, what’s the solution? We know that you can’t overhaul your lifestyle overnight, but what you can do is make small changes to pave the way for improvement. Incorporate high-quality foods into your diet and, while you’re at it, use an aphrodisiac. Keep active, even if you don’t engage in exercise in the traditional sense, by getting up every half an hour. Drink more water (we tend to drink too little) and leave alcohol for weekends. Finally, above all, find quality time and space to be alone or with your partner(s). Turn off your phone; enjoy a massage, a tasty meal or a sexy game. It’s time to go for gold!
What about you? What do you do to improve your orgasms? Do you have a fail-safe trick? What do you find hardest? Let us know in the comments!